Not Scary But Annoying

I raised Apollo to be a brave dog. Well, I've conditioned him to become familiar with quite a few of the things that dogs are typically perceived as being scared and terrified of.

Exhibit A: the vacuum cleaner. Most people can very easily picture the stereotypical dog barking like mad at this household appliance that really doesn't warrant any senses of threat other than the fact that it's very loud. I've owned a vacuum and lived in carpeted dwellings for the better part of Apollo's life. Thus his first meeting with Mr. Hoover came very early on and he became used to seeing me walk around the house in a weird pattern every few weeks with the vacuum.

Apollo "puts up" and seems indifferent with this machine and associated noise. He goes about his usual business and watches me pilot the vacuum up and down when it makes an appearance. He'll proceed to follow me into every room -seemingly to evaluate whether or not I'm doing a good job - until I'm finished. I have a suspicion he also thinks the vacuum to be somewhat of a nuisance. As I go about my cleaning, I'll frequently find my dog laying in the middle of the room - right in my path - and I have to "shoo" him away. Apollo will then do his best to convey a sense of "you've inconvenienced me" with his eyes as he walks/sulks away...

...but a mere 2 minutes later and 20 feet away in the same room, I find myself face to face with this Dachshund speed bump yet again.

His Quadrant

As Apollo and I grow older together, we continue to learn and adapt to each other every single day. One of the more recent developments has been yet another stage of evolution in our sleeping habits/arrangements.

I get the middle (or whatever area on the bed that I want) - period. No compromises there, it's rule #1 since the first day he was allowed to sleep on my bed. So that leaves my pooch with the surrounding areas on my queen-sized mattress. There are several possible arrangements as we approach closing our eyes and falling asleep. He could be up close and right up against me, but this tends to only occur during naps when we cuddle. I think the reason why is because we're both smart enough and have learned that the night session is a long one and we'll end up making each other way too hot. Apollo tends to roam to the right or left of my legs.

But recently he has seemingly "claimed" the quadrant of the bed that's on the bottom-left (to the left of my left leg). He will perform his standard Doxen burrow act under the covers down in that area almost every night. I know for certain that he's going to right to sleep when I see that bear-winter-hibernation impression. That's when I say good night and settle into my own pillow and close my eyes.

In the morning, I'll almost always find him in that same corner but in funny & strange positions. My favorite also happens to be the most common: on his back, head + chest + front paws stuck out from the comforter, eyes still closed.

Always Listening

One of the oft-forgotten qualities to my dog's primal traits is his hearing ability. His floppy ears are quite good at selectively picking up the things that he deems worth of a reaction. I say "selective" because there are several categories of sounds in which he cares enough to be bothered with.

First you have the sounds that incite alertness and the more primal canine traits of being territorial. Door knocks and any jingling sounds that mimic that of a dog collar/leash are almost guaranteed to get him riled-up and barking (regardless of what he is doing). It makes me proud to hear him be protective and alert of a possible intrusion - it's what dogs are supposed to do.

Then there are the sounds that he's become conditioned to and associates with pleasant things to follow. The refrigerator door opening/closing or the sounds of food containers will warrant at least a visual confirmation (i.e. poking his head out from under the blankets) to check and see if there is in fact, food present. Noises that sounds like chewing or eating will likewise draw his gaze and a quick glance of, "Hey... whatcha got there?" It amazes me how I continue to fail at attempting to sneak in a quick snack without him finding out about it - especially when he's two rooms away and sleeping under the covers.

Finally there are spoken words that he recognize. Apollo has come to understand quite a decent vocabulary - usually commands - that he will react to. There are also ones that he comprehends and seems to be amused by (these tend to be names of other people or animals)... though he's not always sure how to react. He usually just tilts his head sideways like he's listening intently, trying to figure out what I'm saying.

Feeding Time

We all have internal clocks in our bodies. It is what helps keep us on track and periodically wakes us up mere seconds before our actual alarms go off in the morning. I believe that dogs share a similar clock... and theirs is controlled by their stomach.

Dinner is one of, if not the most, consistent things that happens in Apollo's day. I'm sure he looks forward to the next meal as early as the instant he has finished devouring the last bit of his current dinner. However it wasn't until only over the last couple of years has his dinner "time" become consistent - as I've had the luxury of working from home and not subject to the fluctuation of traffic patterns which affect my arrival home at the end of each workday.

Such consistency results in various rather humorous "reminders" from my dog that it's that time of the day. I've had him make grunting/whining sounds near me, to him giving me one of his patented "shoves", to him walking onto my lap and climbing onto my chest to say, "Hey, time for me to eat. Make my food."

I've started to look forward to his reminders each day. It's the only alarm clock I've ever wanted to see or hear in my life.

My Co-Worker

I'm pretty lucky to have had a job in the past 2 years where I have the luxury of working from home. I won't get into the PRO's and CON's of having this privilege as it pertains to productivity and flexibility, but I do feel very fortunate to get to spend so much time at home with Apollo...

...even if he's sound asleep about 80-90% of the workday.

Having him to keep me company throughout the day really is a blessing. His presence will at the very least, keep me from going insane due to lack of interaction with people things. From our morning routine of going outside for the bathroom and breakfast immediately after, to him joining me for lunch on the couch, to occasionally (randomly) wanting to play, to afternoon naps, and eventually reminding me it's time for dinner... he's there with me all day.

Watching him sleep in his bed at my feet under my desk is better than every screensaver ever created.

Bark Like a Man

I detest small dogs. To be more specific and scientific - I'll use the AKC grouping to be "official" - I hate dogs that belong to the toy group. I'll let the terrier group slide.

Let's be real people, some of you will find my opinion objectionable and disagree. But I honestly feel that all dogs should not only behave, act, look like, but also bark like the natural beasts that they are. I quote from the main AKC website:

"The diminutive size and winsome expressions of Toy dogs illustrate the main function of this Group: to embody sheer delight."

Seriously? Get real. Do we, as human, try to manipulate our own DNA such that we have cute looking, baby-sized human beings walking among us? Of course not. So why is it okay and so widely acceptable to do that with these toy breeds... to dress them up, groom them like supermodels, and put pretty bows in their hair? It disgusts me. Not only that, but their barks - if you call it that - is at a pitch so high and shrill that it makes you just want to put it out of its miseries with one shift kick.

An old saying that I often think of goes something along the lines of, "As a man, you should speak and sound like one when you talk. Project your voice and speak from your chest." I think the same goes for dogs as it pertains to their bark. A dog's bark is his main method of informing the pack of different situations. It is also used to ward off enemies and intruders alike - natural self-defense and a warning of, "Don't mess with me." As a Dachshund, Apollo belongs to the hound group - with ancestral traits of being used for hunting. Along with the ranks of the Foxhounds, Wolfhounds, and the mighty Rhodesian Ridgebacks... Dachshunds may be smaller (lower) stature in size - but they own a strong and powerful bark that bellows from their chest.

My dog barks like a manly dog.

Eau de Dog

What exactly does a wet dog smell like? You've probably heard that phrase used at some point in your life when someone describes a somewhat objectionable odor. It's one of those common phrases/comparisons given as an answer - yet it doesn't offer any clarity, only more vagueness. Another such cliché that comes to mind is, "It tastes like chicken."

I know what wet dogs smell like, especially mine. I wouldn't categorize it as a particular disgusting odor or even one that's too pungent. He smells like... him (Apollo). The moisture simply amplifies and brings out the smell. We've lived together for over a decade and his scent has become the norm and almost undetectable likely due to familiarity. But when he lays close to me and I pick up his scent - all it does is reassures me that he's there, alive and well.

I honestly don't believe someone would step foot into my apartment and exclaim, "I smell the presence of a dog here." At least not yet... we'll see if he eventually develops the old/grandpa stench.