That Was Me - Sorry

I don't know about you, but I find habits of my dog that resemble those of my own to be really funny. What makes it even funnier is the way that he reacts to my reaction.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist (or in this case, a doctor/veterinarian) to tell you that the canine anatomy is very different from that of homo sapiens. But there are obviously many overlapping characteristics to be shared, most likely all derived from both of our species falling under the mammal classification. Undoubtedly, we share similar physiology in the digestive systems and resulting bodily functions - yes, I'm talking about farts.

Flatulence is unpleasant... unless it came from yourself (those tend to be "acceptable"). Apparently my dog agrees. I've observed him give me a "was that you?" look before excusing himself from his spot if he's within one of my more potent bomb's proximity. When I'm on the receiving end of his silent but deadly detonations, he's likely wearing a "oh, I didn't think you'd notice" expression when I accuse/ask him if he was guilty. I've even seen him change places on my bed to get away from his own gas eruption.

Who would've ever thought that repugnant dog farts would be so entertaining?

Everyone Poops (I Poop Twice)

Animals - particularly dogs - use their bodily waste as unique identifiers for a number of different purposes (such as marking their territory). Usually they use their urine and I would assume that's because they have a bit more of that stuff to allocate at their discretion.

Apollo hasn't ever been much of a territory control kind of dog. Perhaps our indoor lifestyle has led to further domestication and removed that primal aspect from his instincts. When we're out walking in new areas or around the neighborhood, he's not one to stop at every tree, bush, or fire hydrant to tag it with his pee. He'll stop and sniff, but doesn't care to contribute.

However, he seems to feel the need to completely empty his bowels of feces on our extended outings. Apollo will pee once (maybe twice) but squat and poops two or three (sometimes more) times! Even during our daily bathroom routine - I know he's not done until he's given birth to brown babies at least twice in two different spots. I wonder if he uses his poop to mark his territory...

Big Boy

My dog is a genetic freak specimen. Coming in at a hefty 22 pounds, it's fair to say that he's quite big for his breed.

But let's get something clear: he's not fat. It's true that Dachshunds are prone to obesity and weight management issues - and Apollo could stand to lose a few pounds - but that's not what I mean when I describe him as "big". There's a clear difference/distinction between a sumo wrestler and a professional basketball player when you look at their BMI (body mass index) as well as their physical skills (i.e. agility, endurance, strength). Both of those types of athletes are massive when compared to the average person, yet with very different body types.

Apollo's original records from the pet store had identified him as a "miniature Dachshund" due to both of his parents being minis (dad and mom were 11 and 9 pounds respectively). I'm not 100% sure if that "miniature" trait is something like the genetic probability of off-springs inheriting similar eye colors or if it's something much deeper rooted like Dwarfism. Whatever it was, Apollo didn't get it.

I've yet to meet another doxen that's equal or larger than Apollo in person. I suppose Apollo wouldn't exactly be the physical equivalent of LeBron James reincarnated in the canine world, but he's not exactly a Yokozuna either. I suppose we'll settle for something like a Shaqille O'Neal - large body, can be quick (for a small period of time), and has good jumps.

Begging With Patience

All dogs love to eat, and mine is no exception. Unlike cats, most dogs don't have picky tendencies when it comes to food that's been put in front of them. I'd like to think that they take on the "beggars can't be choosers" motto - which makes a lot of sense when you think about the amount of begging they partake in every single day.

It all starts with their nose and ears. The instant they pick up the scent of food or a familiar sound (the fridge door opening, can opener, silverware drawer opening/closing) they are already on their way. Once you've settled into your seat and taken that first bite, your four-legged pal is on full alert. Their eyes now serve to accomplish two tasks. The first is all mechanical as their pupils track every motion and trajectory of the target (food) as it departs from your plate/bowl and travels up to your mouth. If it ever deviates off course - they're immediately there to say "I've got this!"

The second is to instill every sense of guilt and sympathy into you the instant you make eye contact with them. That's Apollo's go-to move, and it has a decent success rate. He's quite patient and it helps add to his case pleading for just a corner of my sandwich or a bite of pizza crust. It's hard to resist, which is part of the reason I think why I choose to watch TV as I eat... I need the distraction from Apollo's re-enactment of Oliver Twist saying, "Please sir, I want some more."

The Sock Bandit

Apollo - like all dogs - went through his destructive phase when he was a young puppy. I had figure out a way to withstand his chewing habits and minimize the financial hole that he was gnawing in my wallet.

Squeaky chew toys went right out the window as an option. They lasted about as long as the time it takes to microwave your TV dinner. Within minutes, the squeaks would be completely extinguished and bits of plastic, fur, or stuffing would be all that's left of a massacred animal. I had to find something else (and quickly) as anything that had either a soft or fuzzy quality all of a sudden had a shelf-life in my house.

One day as I was sorting my dirty laundry with Apollo watching intently, I dropped a sock on the floor. "A new toy!" I saw in his eyes... as he quickly scooped it up and ran off with his prize to evaluate closer on the other side of the room (away from poachers who might want to steal it back) before deciding to shred it into a hundred pieces. I didn't think much of it and decided not to attempt recovering it, as that sock had a small hole and was ready to be retired anyways. It suddenly dawned on me that this was exactly what I was looking for.

In additional to providing comfort for your feet, I came to realize that socks (especially worn and dirty ones) was one of Apollo's favorite things to play with. There were so many uses: we played fetch using them, stuffed them with treats and toys, I used it as a glove when he plays play-biting with me. And to this day he still loves the freshly worn, stinky ones that he steals right off my feet.

The way he runs away with a sock in his mouth, prancing around the room... reminds me that he will always be my little sock bandit.

Right On Cue

I'm sure one of the reasons why some people dislike dogs is because of their potential for noise pollution. The way that some dogs seemingly bark at the moon or for unknown reasons has surely pissed off a lot of people (including myself) at inopportune times of the day when we need silence. That fact alone has led me to be conscious about not encouraging Apollo to be excessively loud.

That's not to say that I've attempted to strip my dog of one of his primal instincts and natural reflexes to respond to his surroundings. I've never scolding him for those "appropriate" reactions, but will calm him down if he's still at it (barking) after a few moments. I do encourage and give Apollo plenty of opportunities to speak on my command - it makes me feel like we're conversing.

Again, it's the unsolicited vocal outbursts that are sometimes unnecessary and transpired at the most  inopportune times. The flexibility and luxury to work at home comes with both pros and cons. One of the pros: my dog is by my side nearly all day. One of the cons: my dog is a dog and will behave like one. No sooner had I finished thanking the audience for putting their microphones on mute to eliminate background noise for a training session I was leading did Apollo decide to make himself known to everyone by letting out a blaring bark.

His timing was embarrassingly right...on...cue.

Trampled and Headbutted

Certain breeds have a mis-matched temperament with their physical size. When you pair a large, heavy, powerful body with the curiosity and energy of a puppy - it has a high probability of the situation ending with destruction or injury. But even smaller bodies can cause pain if they catch you off guard.

Apollo and I find ourselves nearly attached at the hip when we're at home. Whether it is on the couch, floor, or my bed... we he doesn't have a great sense of personal space and is frequently "all up in my business." I've pretty much accepted the fact that my dog will scale my body like a mountain if he so chooses. That means walking all over me to get to his sweet spot on the couch or climbing onto my chest in order to get a taste of whatever it was that I just ate. And when a 20-something pound body lands or steps on "undesirable/sensitive" body parts - you can bet I'm uttering "oooof" or "owwww" in pain.

Another unexpected weapon Apollo wields is his noggin. Yes, he's a bright dog - but I'm not referring to his smarts. I'm talking about his cranium, his skull. That thing is as deadly as any other blunt object and I've caught it on my chin and mouth several times. I've bitten the inside of my mouth and even cut my lip a time or two from him suddenly/unexpectedly whipping his head upwards with my face in striking proximity.

Catching that headbutt feels like getting upper-cutted.

Bite and Run

My dog and I don't play too many games but we do rough-house every so often. These bouts tend to last 5-10 minutes whereby a fired-up Apollo will attempt to attack my hand (with just enough power to deal some pain but controlled enough to not break skin). In these play fighting matches my hand become the pretend-jaws of another dog and I go after Apollo's feet or neck area. He really gets into it with playful growling and strong persistence to fend off my attacking hand with his own reciprocating bites.

We occasionally also have some Texas-standoff moments. The most interesting part about these is how they get started. I would typically be walking around the house, minding my own business and out of nowhere, I would see Apollo - who had also happened to be milling around, getting a drink of water or something - across the room. We both freeze where we are standing, our eyes lock (cue Western duel music and rolling tumbleweed), and we both know what's about to happen. The first person to flinch takes off running in the opposite direction and the other will go chasing after them at breakneck speed. Once we catch each other, we'll switch directions and go running the other way... and repeat for 30-60 seconds.

These sessions tend to leave us both out of breath, entertained, and joyously amused with each other's company.

Smart Whistles

One of the most common, natural behaviors of dogs when off-leash is to roam and explore. I feel it's important to let them behave as such (when appropriate) in order for them to not only gain a sense of their surroundings but also to grant them their natural right of freedom. However this freedom is quickly rescinded when we see them in situations that trigger undesirable reactions/behaviors (i.e. running after other dogs/animals or wandering into dangerous territory).

I've trained Apollo starting early during puppy-years to acknowledge and recognize my whistle. The whistle is commonly utilized as a tool used by most trainers because of the distinct pitch and noise. I did as such, and reserved it as a "come to me" command. I say "reserved" because I don't use it frequently in order to not to desensitize my dog from the sound and implied behavior I expect from him. He understands (most of the time) and knows to act and obey accordingly.

A well-trained dog has the appearance of a smart dog - but you only get out what you're willing to put in. People also say that your pets reflect the personality of their owners. I guess subconsciously I didn't want my dog to give people the impression that I'm a misbehaving idiot who might accidentally walk in front of a moving bus while chasing after a squirrel.

Hair Dry Me

Apollo doesn't like baths, we've established that fact. But I should be more specific and say that he doesn't like the water-related portion of the bath process. He actually puts up with enjoys and takes pleasure drying off.

You'd think it's obvious that anyone would be happy with finishing/ending any activity that was displeasurable but in this case, Apollo would probably enjoy the routine even by itself. What I'm talking about is everything that takes place after he's allowed to get out of the tub. I typically have towels prepped and spread out on the floor in anticipation of this wet creature who proceeds to stop-drop-and-roll (minus the stop part). I usually give him a good pat down to soak up the excess water before pulling out one of his favorite devices: the hair dryer.

I'm positive his fondness of the hair dryer stems from the months in which my mom looked after him during his early years. She had to routinely/regularly blow dry her hair and Apollo was never too far away while it happened. My mom soon realized that Apollo not only got used to the noise but was also quite addicted to the warm breeze. She would typically give him a few extra seconds at the end of her routine.

And so as I attempt to be efficient and employ the hair dryer on him - Apollo seems to look forward to the warm and buzzing heat waves at the end of his baths. Gone are all traces of anxiety of being drenched with soapy water. Rather, he's typically got a look of satisfaction on his face as if to say, "You can keep going, I don't mind this part."

Hide and Seek

Apollo is quite the stickler. Almost everywhere I go in the house, he has to go as well. I don't mind it so much - in fact, I take advantage of it.

Occasionally when I notice that my pup is particularly antsy and filled with energy, I'll use his own anticipation against him and turn it into one of my favorite games: Hide and Seek. Typically we'll be moving from room to room and I'll quietly let him go ahead without me. I'd then quickly slip behind a door (picture me sandwiched flat between the door and the wall), peek out from between the door hinge crack, and enjoy the show. Usually he comes rushing back, trying to make sense of what happened to my sudden disappearance. But soon he'll realize that it's that time again - game on.

He usually fails in his first round attempt at tracking me down, as he quickly darts into every room - bedroom, bathroom, hallway, living room - for a quick glance. Then he goes into actual "search mode" and draws on his experiences from playing this game with me. I can almost see him flip a switch in his head as he activates his nose and ears. He'll check some of my previous hiding spots and usually bust me (it's hard coming up with new hiding places!) at that point.

But he doesn't always win. Apollo does miss me sometimes as I blend into the shadows like a ninja in a dark bathroom or if I conjure up a new place (i.e. in the tub behind the shower curtain). In those victorious moments of mine, Apollo usually admits defeat after a few minutes by whining as if to say, "Alright, I give up. Come out!" Win or lose, he gets a treat as a reward and I get a few exiting moments of hearing the sound of my own heart beating as I try to channel my inner chameleon.

Couch Buddies

Apollo doesn't watch TV. He may occasionally react to certain sounds (such as dogs barking, squeaky toys, etc.) but that's about the extent of his interaction with any form of digital entertainment. However I'd like to think that when he sees me plop down on the couch in front of the TV, it's time for us to hang out.

My dog wasn't always allowed on the couch. When I first bought my nice microfiber two-piece sectional couch, he was denied access. It was my mom (from henceforth known as "Grandma" as that's how I refer to her in front of Apollo) that came to his rescue when she heard that I stipulated this house rule. She bought a nice blanket that served to cover roughly 50% of the couch in order to appease me and nullify my argument that Apollo would dirty/damage the couch if he were allowed on.

It's inevitable. Within 30-90 seconds of me sitting down on the couch (95% of the time followed immediately with the TV set turning on) Apollo will be right next to me. It doesn't matter if he was sound asleep in his dog bed (about 20 feet away) or all the way down the hall in my bedroom - he'll show up right on cue each time. Apparently sitting on the couch is a two-person activity, and I'm not allowed to do it alone.

I guess it's kind of our thing (one of many).

Moonlight Sessions

Apollo and I have an understanding: we (he) goes to the bathroom outside. It's our deal and we both do our part to make it easy for each other. To be honest, he does a heck of a lot more than most dogs, which is asking more than I should of him. What I mean is simply that he goes for long stretches without needing to void his bladder.

Through the years, the two of us have become conditioned to each other's signals and behaviors. And it's not just the dog adjusting to and obeying the human - it goes both ways. As it pertains to bathroom habits, he's obviously restricted to my availability and Apollo understands that. Only in emergency cases whereby he's not able to control himself (i.e. stomach issues, illnesses) will there be accidents in the house. Those are few and far between.

But even in the cases of emergencies, he does his best to let me know. On rare occasions in the middle of the night (or morning, who knows... let's just say it's still dark outside) Apollo will wake me up by walking up and down the bed with some whimpering/whining sounds. If he does this for more than a minute, I'll know he's telling me, "I gotta go outside." Minutes later, we'll be outside - him partaking in a special midnight potty session and me half-awake, struggling to stand up straight under the moonlight.

Dirty Windows

Wet noses are one of those things that makes a dog, a dog. It's right up there with panting, wagging their tails, and barking. But scientifically speaking - it's what helps enhance their extremely strong sense of smell. Moisture makes an extraordinary difference with your receptors inside your nostrils (I learned this back in 6th grade camp). Go ahead and try it: lick your finger (or run it under a faucet) and pick your nose...you'll pick up smells that you would've have noticed normally.

As a perfectly healthy pup - Apollo's nose is usually at the appropriate level of wetness. And as a nosy dog (hah - pun intended) who likes to take in everything surrounding him, he tends to poke his head all over to make sure the status quo pleases him. Such "poking" usually results in messy windows in my living room that looks down eight floors onto the city streets. These messy blurs and unusual (but familiar to most dog owners) blotches also appear on my car's passenger side window.

What can I say - regardless of where he is, Apollo likes to get right up to windows to see if there's something interesting on the other side.

Sleep Wagging

I've always been incredibly fascinated by my own dreams and am very much grateful that our brains are able to have such complex neuro-activity while our bodies are shut down and resting. But many studies have shown that we (humans) are not the only mammals on this planet capable of experiencing these phenomenons. Dogs are just as capable of having dreams as we are and I'm just as (if not more) interested in Apollo's dreams than my own.

I'm usually made aware of my dog's dreams (no, he does not come tell me about the weird adventure he just had in his dream after he wakes up) when I hear him whimpering in his sleep. I'll hear sounds emanating from his bed below my work desk or from under my blankets in the middle of the night. There's no way to know for sure they are sad/scared wimpers... perhaps that's the canine version of talking in their sleep? In any case, I usually talk to him and stroke him until he calms down or wakes up. I'd like to think that hearing my familiar voice in his dream would give him a sense of comfort.

I've seen YouTube videos of dogs growling in their sleep but I've never observed Apollo acting that way, at least not when his eyes are closed in slumber. The only other dream-induced behavior from my dog that I've ever seen is my favorite one: the sleep-tail-wagging. Out of nowhere I would occasionally hear a "tap-tap-tap-tap" of Apollo's tail thumping against my/his bed. When I look down, all I see is a dog deep asleep...

I'd like to assume he is happily begging for food (from me) or chasing other dogs in his dream world.

Not Scary But Annoying

I raised Apollo to be a brave dog. Well, I've conditioned him to become familiar with quite a few of the things that dogs are typically perceived as being scared and terrified of.

Exhibit A: the vacuum cleaner. Most people can very easily picture the stereotypical dog barking like mad at this household appliance that really doesn't warrant any senses of threat other than the fact that it's very loud. I've owned a vacuum and lived in carpeted dwellings for the better part of Apollo's life. Thus his first meeting with Mr. Hoover came very early on and he became used to seeing me walk around the house in a weird pattern every few weeks with the vacuum.

Apollo "puts up" and seems indifferent with this machine and associated noise. He goes about his usual business and watches me pilot the vacuum up and down when it makes an appearance. He'll proceed to follow me into every room -seemingly to evaluate whether or not I'm doing a good job - until I'm finished. I have a suspicion he also thinks the vacuum to be somewhat of a nuisance. As I go about my cleaning, I'll frequently find my dog laying in the middle of the room - right in my path - and I have to "shoo" him away. Apollo will then do his best to convey a sense of "you've inconvenienced me" with his eyes as he walks/sulks away...

...but a mere 2 minutes later and 20 feet away in the same room, I find myself face to face with this Dachshund speed bump yet again.

His Quadrant

As Apollo and I grow older together, we continue to learn and adapt to each other every single day. One of the more recent developments has been yet another stage of evolution in our sleeping habits/arrangements.

I get the middle (or whatever area on the bed that I want) - period. No compromises there, it's rule #1 since the first day he was allowed to sleep on my bed. So that leaves my pooch with the surrounding areas on my queen-sized mattress. There are several possible arrangements as we approach closing our eyes and falling asleep. He could be up close and right up against me, but this tends to only occur during naps when we cuddle. I think the reason why is because we're both smart enough and have learned that the night session is a long one and we'll end up making each other way too hot. Apollo tends to roam to the right or left of my legs.

But recently he has seemingly "claimed" the quadrant of the bed that's on the bottom-left (to the left of my left leg). He will perform his standard Doxen burrow act under the covers down in that area almost every night. I know for certain that he's going to right to sleep when I see that bear-winter-hibernation impression. That's when I say good night and settle into my own pillow and close my eyes.

In the morning, I'll almost always find him in that same corner but in funny & strange positions. My favorite also happens to be the most common: on his back, head + chest + front paws stuck out from the comforter, eyes still closed.

Always Listening

One of the oft-forgotten qualities to my dog's primal traits is his hearing ability. His floppy ears are quite good at selectively picking up the things that he deems worth of a reaction. I say "selective" because there are several categories of sounds in which he cares enough to be bothered with.

First you have the sounds that incite alertness and the more primal canine traits of being territorial. Door knocks and any jingling sounds that mimic that of a dog collar/leash are almost guaranteed to get him riled-up and barking (regardless of what he is doing). It makes me proud to hear him be protective and alert of a possible intrusion - it's what dogs are supposed to do.

Then there are the sounds that he's become conditioned to and associates with pleasant things to follow. The refrigerator door opening/closing or the sounds of food containers will warrant at least a visual confirmation (i.e. poking his head out from under the blankets) to check and see if there is in fact, food present. Noises that sounds like chewing or eating will likewise draw his gaze and a quick glance of, "Hey... whatcha got there?" It amazes me how I continue to fail at attempting to sneak in a quick snack without him finding out about it - especially when he's two rooms away and sleeping under the covers.

Finally there are spoken words that he recognize. Apollo has come to understand quite a decent vocabulary - usually commands - that he will react to. There are also ones that he comprehends and seems to be amused by (these tend to be names of other people or animals)... though he's not always sure how to react. He usually just tilts his head sideways like he's listening intently, trying to figure out what I'm saying.

Feeding Time

We all have internal clocks in our bodies. It is what helps keep us on track and periodically wakes us up mere seconds before our actual alarms go off in the morning. I believe that dogs share a similar clock... and theirs is controlled by their stomach.

Dinner is one of, if not the most, consistent things that happens in Apollo's day. I'm sure he looks forward to the next meal as early as the instant he has finished devouring the last bit of his current dinner. However it wasn't until only over the last couple of years has his dinner "time" become consistent - as I've had the luxury of working from home and not subject to the fluctuation of traffic patterns which affect my arrival home at the end of each workday.

Such consistency results in various rather humorous "reminders" from my dog that it's that time of the day. I've had him make grunting/whining sounds near me, to him giving me one of his patented "shoves", to him walking onto my lap and climbing onto my chest to say, "Hey, time for me to eat. Make my food."

I've started to look forward to his reminders each day. It's the only alarm clock I've ever wanted to see or hear in my life.

My Co-Worker

I'm pretty lucky to have had a job in the past 2 years where I have the luxury of working from home. I won't get into the PRO's and CON's of having this privilege as it pertains to productivity and flexibility, but I do feel very fortunate to get to spend so much time at home with Apollo...

...even if he's sound asleep about 80-90% of the workday.

Having him to keep me company throughout the day really is a blessing. His presence will at the very least, keep me from going insane due to lack of interaction with people things. From our morning routine of going outside for the bathroom and breakfast immediately after, to him joining me for lunch on the couch, to occasionally (randomly) wanting to play, to afternoon naps, and eventually reminding me it's time for dinner... he's there with me all day.

Watching him sleep in his bed at my feet under my desk is better than every screensaver ever created.

Bark Like a Man

I detest small dogs. To be more specific and scientific - I'll use the AKC grouping to be "official" - I hate dogs that belong to the toy group. I'll let the terrier group slide.

Let's be real people, some of you will find my opinion objectionable and disagree. But I honestly feel that all dogs should not only behave, act, look like, but also bark like the natural beasts that they are. I quote from the main AKC website:

"The diminutive size and winsome expressions of Toy dogs illustrate the main function of this Group: to embody sheer delight."

Seriously? Get real. Do we, as human, try to manipulate our own DNA such that we have cute looking, baby-sized human beings walking among us? Of course not. So why is it okay and so widely acceptable to do that with these toy breeds... to dress them up, groom them like supermodels, and put pretty bows in their hair? It disgusts me. Not only that, but their barks - if you call it that - is at a pitch so high and shrill that it makes you just want to put it out of its miseries with one shift kick.

An old saying that I often think of goes something along the lines of, "As a man, you should speak and sound like one when you talk. Project your voice and speak from your chest." I think the same goes for dogs as it pertains to their bark. A dog's bark is his main method of informing the pack of different situations. It is also used to ward off enemies and intruders alike - natural self-defense and a warning of, "Don't mess with me." As a Dachshund, Apollo belongs to the hound group - with ancestral traits of being used for hunting. Along with the ranks of the Foxhounds, Wolfhounds, and the mighty Rhodesian Ridgebacks... Dachshunds may be smaller (lower) stature in size - but they own a strong and powerful bark that bellows from their chest.

My dog barks like a manly dog.

Eau de Dog

What exactly does a wet dog smell like? You've probably heard that phrase used at some point in your life when someone describes a somewhat objectionable odor. It's one of those common phrases/comparisons given as an answer - yet it doesn't offer any clarity, only more vagueness. Another such cliché that comes to mind is, "It tastes like chicken."

I know what wet dogs smell like, especially mine. I wouldn't categorize it as a particular disgusting odor or even one that's too pungent. He smells like... him (Apollo). The moisture simply amplifies and brings out the smell. We've lived together for over a decade and his scent has become the norm and almost undetectable likely due to familiarity. But when he lays close to me and I pick up his scent - all it does is reassures me that he's there, alive and well.

I honestly don't believe someone would step foot into my apartment and exclaim, "I smell the presence of a dog here." At least not yet... we'll see if he eventually develops the old/grandpa stench.

I'll Be Back

One of the things I've always wished my dog could understand from me is: I'll be back, I promise.

Dogs are pack animals. To domesticated dogs, we (humans) are their pack. They want to be near us, around us, and acknowledged by us. But because of our inability to communicate or capture what it is that we want them to know (with relevant context and detail), they are left to decipher and interpret situations on their own without definitive answers.

When I leave my apartment, I know he wishes he could come with me. Over time, I believe that he has learned the various tip-offs and clues for opportunities in which he is allowed to accompany me (such as me gathering his blanket in which he sits on inside my car). If those things don't happen, he prepares for alone time and heads into my bedroom quietly. He doesn't know why I leave or how long I'm going to be gone for. I'll always feel bad about imposing that uncertainty onto him.

One of the best and most cherish-able moments in any dog owner's life is the moment that you open the door and see the look in your dog's eyes. They are filled with happiness, excitement, and words that they cannot form but exude with every leap and bound. You are the most important person to them at that moment in time and nothing else matters. Nothing is on their mind except unconditional love and "Welcome home, I've missed you."

I love coming home to my dog and I hope to never break my promise to him.

Wearing Black

Dogs shed. It's a fact that's as well known as the sky is blue and the grass is green. I knew this from day one and chose a particular breed in which the end-results would be minimized and much more tolerable. I present to you: the short-haired Doxen.

Yes, Apollo sheds. He's not genetically engineered or lab-bred specifically to not exhibit one of the most basic characteristics of canines. His coat is short, smooth, and very frequently exhibits a very beautiful "shine" in the right light. Charcoal black all over, with a light brown/tan dusting around his jaw, base of his tail, and his paws are four matching brown socks. Not to sound like a typical Dad, but he's very handsome (as countless people have praised over the years).

You rarely notice his loose fur, especially in carpeted settings. Very low maintenance in general and makes cleanup a breeze (almost literally, a gust of wind and it's all gone). But be warned - his tiny eyelash-like hairs become annoyingly obvious and difficult to remove from your white clothes. So save yourself the trouble and wear darker colors when meeting my dog.

Open Door Policy

I've lived most of my life without roommates and have enjoyed my freedom to do pretty much "whatever, whenever" in my own little kingdom. My only subject in this kingdom: Apollo.

Being king means abiding by my own rules and schedules. Every one of us knows about this sense of freedom and liberty in varying degrees. Whether it is in your own house, apartment, or even in your own room - no one else is around to judge what you say, how you look, what you do, or when you do it. Thus it shouldn't blow your mind when I share the fact that I leave the doors - both bed and bath rooms - open all the time. The private activities that take place in both locations are seen by no one...except of course, my dog.

Even to this day it still amuses me somewhat when Apollo embraces these "open door policies" so wholeheartedly. If I'm changing in my bedroom, he is usually there to observe and decide if I'm about to desert him at home for hours. If I'm getting ready to take a shower, he's nowhere close (fearing that he may be next in line). But when I'm on the toilet doing my business and he comes strolling in with a look on his face that says, "Hey, what's up? Everything going good? Mind if I hang out?" and proceed to sit on the toilet rug in-between my legs...

That... makes me chuckle a bit each and every time.

What We See

Apollo has big brown eyes. They are the same color and match the brown/tan that is on his cheeks, paws, and feet.

When I look into his eyes, I see him looking back at me. Inquisitive, curious eyes that are trying to figure out the world. Up close, face to face, I can see comfort in those eyes (because I am physically close to provide a sense of safety and familiarity). When he looks at me from a distance, he is studying our surroundings and taking in evidence to figure out what my motive might be so that he can react accordingly. Dinner, bathroom, toy, play... these are all possible options that he gathers through observation with those eyes.

His eyes tell me that he appreciates and loves me unconditionally. And I always look right back at him, hoping that he sees the same thing from me.

Everyone Wipes

Furniture is for sitting on... by humans. Not all pet owners allow their pets onto their couches, chairs, or beds. I've always figured that if we (humans) have gone so far as to domesticate dogs and bring them into our homes - why not extend their comfort to include partaking in comfortable sitting/sleeping arrangements so long as they don't interrupt or intrude excessively.

One of the biggest differences between dogs and cats is the extra care to hygiene that felines have. They tend to groom methodically and frequently. Dogs on the other hand don't quite have those innate desires to go to the bathroom in a litter box or clean themselves every day. As humans, we know about proper hygiene and have the means and ability (i.e. soap, hands/fingers) to clean up after ourselves.

Having said all of the above, let's look at the following progression:

A. Prior to sitting down on furniture, we make sure we are clean.

B. To stay clean, we have to wash and sanitize ourselves.

C. To effectively sanitize ourselves, we use toilet paper and hand soap after going to the bathroom.

Easy right? But does it apply to both people and dogs equally?

Humans: we use toilet paper and soap on ourselves after going to the bathroom and then sit on furniture.

Dogs: they don't use any toilet paper or soap after going to the bathroom and then sit on furniture.

Since I allow my dog onto furniture, there is only one conclusion and remaining action to be taken: I wipe my dog's ass with toilet paper after he goes to the bathroom (number two)... every time, every day. No it is not weird - it is logical.

The 1-2 Stretch

When dogs do things that us humans do - it always makes me chuckle and is almost always amusing. Our bodies and anatomy are very different, but there are way more parallels than there are differences.

Stretching feels great in the context of both loosening up as well as a natural body reaction after being in an idle position (e.g. sleeping or sitting for prolonged periods). Apollo is a dog. Dogs sleep a lot. Sleeping is typically followed by stretching. Ergo - Apollo stretches a lot.

His 2-step (front and rear half) stretch is very funny and cute to watch. It starts with him embodying the true definition of the "downward dog" yoga position. His hips go up and back as he relaxes his chest towards the ground to get a nice stretch of his front legs. Apollo carries out phase 2 by trying to elongate his body - which is already quite lengthy - as much as possible. His chest is thrust forward and his hind legs are like two heavy pieces of wood as they drag on the ground behind him for a brief moment to get the rest of his spine. The cherry-on-top finisher is usually his patented full body shake (just picture a wet dog trying to dry himself) of which you can hear him perform from one or two rooms away. The reason it is audible is because of his Dumbo-sized ears that flap/flop with vigor. 

When I hear that sound - I know he's awake.

Showoff with a Bone

My dog enjoys visitors to our home. And why wouldn't he? They shower him with affection and attention - the latter of which he simply cannot get enough of. 

For both entertainment and health benefits, I've always provided Apollo with Nylabone chew toys. These tough plastic-feeling bone-shaped sticks have been a part of his life ever since he was young. He picks them up for a good gnawing session from time to time when bored (reminds me of the way I plop down on the couch with a book). These bones help clean his teeth and builds strong jaw strength. They are also really the only "toys" that Apollo gets, but that's mostly because he's well beyond his playful years. These days his "sleep to play" ratio has easily shifted well towards the sleep side of the spectrum.

When we have visitors, Apollo is of course bursting with excitement and energy. He doesn't quite know what to do after he's gone through the obligatory process of sniffing, getting pats/hugs/kisses, and excited hopping. So he picks up his go-to toy - the Nylabone - and attempts to do his best impression of a beaver as he grinds and chews with great ferocity. I honestly believe he's attempting to put on a show for us. If he could talk, I'd imagine he would exclaim, "Everyone look what I can do!"

Ketchup Shampoo

Everyone gets dirty and being clean is important. Dogs may not have this particular sense of hygiene (unlike cats) and rely on us to clean them up when necessary. 

As a puppy Apollo was fairly tiny and his first baths were in the kitchen sink. Why? Short answer: he fit and it made rinsing him easy. As time went on we eventually graduated to the bathtub. It's funny when I think about the progression of Apollo's attitude towards baths as he's gotten older. He started out not knowing what exactly was going on and made a slight fuss - not unlike human children who tend to share those same behaviors. Once he got used to it, it became more of a routine and he accepted it with full cooperation. Him and I have gotten to the point where it is more of a chore and I'm sure we're both thinking "let's just get this over with as quickly as possible." Isn't that how we all perceive our shower routines these days?

I can't help but laugh at myself when it comes time to put dog shampoo on Apollo's back and I squeeze the soap onto his back in a zig-zag pattern. The first time I did it, it was completely unintended and when I realized I might as well have been squirting ketchup onto a hot dog, I busted out laughing like a maniac (the ironic pun of him being a wiener-dog) and snapped a picture. Apollo looked up at me with a face that embodied a few sentiments: I'm not amused, hurry up, and you suck.

Happy Shoves

Being a Doxen, I've never had issues with Apollo being rude to people that we encounter. That's because he's small (around 20 pounds) so he's probably not as threatening as say, a medium to larger sized 50-lb dog if one were to come barreling down the sidewalk at you. Thus I've never felt the need to really teach him how to engage strangers in public. Also throw in the fact that he's no longer an inquisitive puppy who loves to play and sees everyone through rainbow colored vision, he's well-behaved enough to not require manner lessons.

I think we've all seen dogs who like to jump up on people when they are either excited or curious. This is obviously not something that a well-behaved dog should be allowed to do to strangers (even less acceptable for a mature dog, younger pups get a bit of leeway). Apollo doesn't do this to people purely because of his physical attributes not really allowing him to get above human knees at best.

But when he does get excited - he will jump up and give you a nice, undeniable 'shove' with his two front paws. Trust me, it's enough to throw most people off and surprise them with his force. From time to time, he continues to exhibit brief moments of young puppy energy in his eyes and behavior. I hope he never loses that.

Excuse Me, Waiter?

Dogs love to eat. Apollo is no exception. Whether it is his snacks or his daily meals - he's always ready to chow down. Growing up, we've typically been on the one-meal-a-day program. But around the time he turned 7 was when I started giving him a more regular breakfast. Nevertheless the morning feeding is only about 1/5 the amount that he typically gets for dinner.

Apollo has quickly (and I would imagine very happily) learned and accepted his morning breakfast. These days I typically see him sluggishly walking out into the living room where I've been up for some time going about my day. The routine is more or less engraved in his head as the following:

A.) Walk from bedroom to living room

B.) Say "good morning" to Dad

C.) Go outside to go potty

D.) Fetch the blue toy for Dad to receive a Greenie treat

E.) Breakfast

F.) Morning nap in doggy bed under Dad's work desk

This morning I forgot his breakfast as I was distracted by work emails. Apollo kindly reminded me by standing next to his food dish and let out a whine. I quickly apologized and gave him his morning kibble so that we could both proceed with our day (work and nap).

Proud Burps

People often say that pets take after their owners. Not online in terms of looks (which tends to be quite humorous) but also personality. That makes a lot of sense logically when you think about it. You raise your pets - in my case a dog - and condition them the way you live various aspects of your life. The way you interact socially, the way you go about your daily lives and activities, and the way that you carry yourself.

I'll preface my following comments with the proclamation that I am a very courteous and well-behaved member of society when in public and also around other people (friends or strangers alike). But...I've always found burping and farting fairly funny, especially in the comfort of my own home. And thus when Apollo lets out a very audible and loud burp after he wolfs down his dinner every night - it puts a huge smile on my face and frequently makes me laugh. I know that's 100% a bodily function/reaction but I can't help but want to believe that he learned that from me.

It makes me quite proud of my boy. Doggy farts on the other hand - just as funny but not as pleasant (or predictable).

Magical (Sometimes Scary) Rides

Have you ever been inside a magical box that transported you from one place to another? How did you feel? Were you scared? Were you intrigued and curious about what had happened? As humans we are thinking organisms that have the capacity to seek out these types of answers using empirical evidence, logic of deduction/reasoning, and complex thought processes.

If you look close (and frequently) enough - you'll notice that dogs can be just as inquisitive. Unfortunately, they may never get the possibility to figure out how some things work or why things happen the way that they do. Take my dog for example: he has been riding in elevators for nearly three years. But still to this very day he can't predict what is going to be on the other side of the door when it opens. Nearly every unexpected sight or sound will surprise him and make him jump.

The mysterious carriage that transports him from one place to another. I don't think he wants to figure out how it works...he just wishes for a familiar sight when the doors re-open (which would hopefully lead to the tree that he pees on or the front door to our apartment).

Pick Me Up

Dachshunds by breed have a very identifiable body structure - they're long. They were bred throughout history into that shape and size for particular functions. The name itself is German and translates into "badger hound" as they were bred for chasing and fighting those ferocious pests). They are small enough to squeeze into tight places and wiggle through holes in pursuit of their prey.

Due to the nature of their body shape, it's particularly interesting to pick one of these dogs up in your arms. Most people would likely find it awkward and unsure of how exactly to hold them unless they're experienced (probably similar to picking up a human baby and knowing how to prop/cradle certain parts of their body against yourself). The proper method to hold Doxens is such a way that your arm ends up underneath their chest and runs along their belly to support their long body. You'd most likely be using both arms - one for the bulk of the weight and the other one for support and cradling.

Apollo knows our routine for getting picked up (at least when he's willing to oblige) and the process is second nature. I first lower my left forearm low enough for him to rise up and put his two front paws on it. My right arm would then come down and scoop him up by his hind legs to support his weight. At that point, I have the ability to shift him to "one-arm mode" which is basically the same position that parents use to burp their babies. In other words, he ends up on my left shoulder (his butt and back legs on my left hand) and he is looking backwards - this frees up my right hand.

Yes, sometimes I pretend to burp him like a baby...and maybe sometimes I talk to him like he's a baby.

We're Cool (Unless You're a Giant)

Apollo gets along with almost everyone. In general, he warms up to people and other dogs fairly quickly. Don't get me wrong, he's not careless - he's cautious. It takes a good few minutes for him to figure out if you're friend or foe, but once you're on his "nice" list... be prepared to have him sitting right up against you like best friends.

I'd like to claim responsibility and say that I'm proud to attribute his behavior to the conditioning he received while young. I did go out of my way to expose and socialize him with people - which is very important during those impressionable puppy years. He got a healthy dose of all shapes, sizes, breeds/races, and genders of both humans and dogs.

Now, he does have his "preferences" as do all of us. He dislikes Boxers and will bark at any that he sees as if they had just walked in his house and ate food right out of his dish. He also dislikes tall people. I can only imagine it's most likely because being only a foot off the ground, seeing someone that's 6-feet tall is the ratio/equivalent of us looking up at someone who stands 30-feet tall.

Wouldn't you be scared if a giant creature that stands three stories tall attempts to reach down and pet you on the head?

Pee Right, Pee Once

Dogs have always (and will continue to do so until the end of time) peed on objects to mark their territory. It's wired into their brains and they use it as a 'signature' similar to the way we endorse the backs of checks - except their checks are trees or fire hydrants. If you're a dog owner, surely you're familiar with the routine of walking them and pausing every so often for them to go through their ritual at a new tree or light post.

Not my dog. His focus is about doing the job and getting it done quickly. One pee - and he drains the full bladder. Efficiency is the name of the game for him. It most likely has something to do with the conditioning and routine that we've established together throughout our lives. There's one objective when we go outside: elimination.

He's a one-pee kind of dog.

The Right Decision

When I turned 21 ten years ago, I wanted to do something for myself as I crossed that milestone birthday. It was my college days, and as many people can attest to, those days tended to more often than not be filled with decisions that you may or may not regret in retrospect. As such, I was seriously considering getting a tattoo on my arm knowing full well that it's a fairly permanent choice that will carry with me for the rest of my life.

And then I decided to get a dog.

I flipped back and forth between the two choices, doing research/planning on both. I had given the tattoo design plenty of thought as well as started investigating and reading up on different dog breeds. As fate would have it, I saw an ad for puppies (I can't remember exactly but it may have been specifically for a dachshund) and decided to visit the locally owned pet store (All-Star Pets).

My friend Michelle gave me a ride and that was the first time I met Apollo. I saw him napping behind the glass display case, but he woke up as I approached and was quite eager to say "hi'. After playing with him in the little area sectioned off for socializing with the animals, I made my decision pretty quickly and without hesitation. The paperwork was done shortly there after, and the rest was history.

I had set out to give myself something special on my 21st birthday that would also have a long, life-changing effect. What I chose will without a doubt, have a larger and longer lasting effect on my life than any tattoo.

No Jingling Allowed

Apollo is a nudist. Alright well most dogs technically aren't wearing anything - except for their collar. My dog has one, but I only put it on him when we are headed somewhere that requires him to be on a leash. The two items (collar and leash) could basically be considered one piece of equipment.

A long, long time ago I came to the realization that Apollo's collar caused the fur under his neck to grow unevenly. It came in patchy and somewhat rough. I suspected it may had something to do with his collar rubbing against his skin so I decided to remove it to test my theory. Sure enough, his neck fur grew in smooth and evenly.

As a younger pup, Apollo enjoyed bounding from room to room - which resulted in a water-torture-ish jingling (due to his metal rabies/vaccine/name tags) that got very distracting. That was enough reason for me to allow him to streak naked around the house... wearing nothing but a smile.

The Reverse Alarm Clock

Like almost every dog on this planet - Apollo loves to sleep. Morning, afternoon, night... he enjoys dozing off and catching those z's. Ever since I gave in and started letting him sleep in my bed (less than 2 months after he came home with me 10 years ago exactly to this date) he has had quite an impact. Let me explain...

For one, he's a hog. He enjoys taking up the prime spots on the bed. You know what I means - right in the middle (especially after you get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom). But the agreement still holds to this day: he gets to sleep in my bed, I get to push him around without compromise. So when I find him occupying a spot that I'd rather be in, he will be shoved aside (much to his chagrin).

He's very warm. This means he's a fantastic heat-generator in the winter and on cold nights under the covers. It also means he's a bit annoying in the summertime when he sidles up next to you. 

Without knowing it, he's quite the bad influence and can make anyone late for work by inadvertently convincing you to accidentally fall asleep just by snuggling with him. It's very hard to resist and takes incredibly strong will power to get out of bed while watching him sleep...

Trust me, I know.